yearofthefox:

Sterner’s Fall 2011 Fashion Predictions

Because God knows I AM A DIVINATION QUEEN!

1. The maxi.

We’re talking sweaters and we’re talking dresses and we’re talking coats. This season, the longer the better.

I don’t read “fashion blogs”, per se. Individual fashion bloggers? Sure. Give me a Karla’s Closet or a Jak and Jil and I’ll check that shit out maybe once a month and be delighted by the fuckery people are taking part of in different parts of the world. But even then, I’m more in my own head than I am interested in what other people are doing. As such, blogs like Refinery 29 or Daily Candy COMPLETELY gross me out. Oh, FASHION UPDATES! YES! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS WEARING! SO I CAN WEAR IT, TOO! BECAUSE I’M A FUCKHOLE!

No. 

Basically, the fact I’m going to “forecast” shit is hilarious in its hypocrisy, because I myself am pulling a Refuckery 29 and Daily Bukkake!

But who cares.

So, maxi’s. A maxi anything essentially means LONG. Ankle to floor length. Yay, fashion 101! Don’t laugh, because next we’ll talk about another trend for Fall/Winter 2011-2012: midis. So there! It pays to know what sartorial words mean! Maxi dresses are a summer staple, the bastion of everyone from skinny broads who work in vintage stores to pregnant ladies who are just happy to have something “stylish” to wear while expanding. However, maxi’s usually fade out of eyeshot when the weather cools, because 1. dresses aren’t necessarily associated with “warmth”, regardless of length (you ever tried to wear a long dress in winter without tights underneath? FAIL) and 2. casual dresses tend to be “out” in fall and winter anyway, because by nature, fall and winter lend more towards “dressing up” and black tie affairs. Think holiday parties. A floor length gown is a maxi dress, sure; but there’s a reason we call it a “floor length gown” at all-it’s a black tie appropriate ensemble. 

SWEATERS

I think we’re going to see a couple of things happening with maxi’s this fall” and winter. First, the “90’s revival” trend is going to keep going, and that means DUSTER SWEATERS! I wouldn’t exactly say I’m a huge 90’s fan, but DUSTER SWEATERS are my JAM! I used to rock those motherfuckers HARD in the summers, falls and winters of my youth. Summer: pair of the shortest shorts I could find, a racerback tank, and wedges. Throw a duster over it and you go from hoochie to chic. Fall and winter: tights, leggings, WHATEVER, plus duster: you’re in the clear from your grandma to your cuntiest of fashion savvy friends. No one can deny the duster! It’s the great equalizer of sweaters!

If you get the right one, a duster can be a SUPER sexy dress. I’ve been on the lookout for a skintight fully buttoned maxi sweater/dress for ages. H&M threw a couple of loose one’s out last fall, which I regret not snapping up, but I’m still a sucker for TIGHTNESS, especially when we’re talking something that covers all of your assets. Sweaters don’t exactly scream “SEXY” for the most part. Now, make it a duster sweater dress, and we’re talking. 

So yes. Duster sweaters will be in. Mark my words.

DRESSES

Now back to maxi dresses. Spice up the fabric to something more substantial or a little dressier (forget the breezy cotton), and you’re in: pair with boots, a sweater (dusters welcome) or just a scarf for days that are nippy but not cold. I am REALLY looking forward to seeing maxi dresses in fall and winter. I appreciate looks that seem impractical but add whimsey. A long dress on a beautiful woman on a chilly day is just that.

OUTERWEAR

Maxi coats. The military look needs to be left alone this season (can we put the patches down, ladies? Fuck), but the military lengths do not. Coats longer than one’s knees fulfill several purposes. First being warmth. I get cold easily. Anything under 75 and I’m shivering. I have this faux fur floor length coat I’ve had for AGES, and although it’s insane looking, it serves its purpose: keeping me warm and making me look fresh (albeit ridiculous). Two: long coats look stately. Often in a recession, trends do one of two things: they go grunge (look, we’re all poor, so let’s look the part) or they go luxury (look, we’re all poor, so I’m going to pretend I’m rich to stand out). I believe this season will be the former and latter mixed together: a semi formal, grunge look with a dash of 70’s hippie thrown in for good measure. I guess we’ll see how it goes on the runways, but I’m embracing the maxi for fall and winter this year. 

-Sterner