The Sleepy Jackson - Devil Was In My Yard

I wonder if everyone wanted to punch Luke Steele during the filming of this video. That retarded robot face is too fucking much.

Anyway, if you listen to the song, and I mean really listen to it, it’s amazing. So layered and gorgeous and harmonic. 

I’d also like to point out Luke’s wardrobe is flawless, par usual. There is a very real part of me that whispers “this guy is a douche, Nicole” when I see him, but that’s also the same part of me that tells me not to eat delicious cookies and smoke weed, so fuck that part of me.

Safe to say, when you start Googling videos of Ian Tracey not acting, just talking, you’re officially obsessed.

Ian Tracey. Hi.

Because there is too much depressing shit going on, I present the TOP 5 SONGS I DANCE TO ALONE IN MY APARTMENT.

Song 5: Winger - Seventeen

I really don’t give a fuck about what other people think about Winger, or about this song, which is basically about statutory rape. All I know is it’s the best “80’s slut grind” song to dance to, ever. Not only does this jam force me to gyrate obscenely, lip synch better than Milli Vanilli, and grab “balls from heaven”, it also makes me think about Kip Winger circa 1980whatever, which is awesome. Kip Winger is so fucking insanely hot in this video it’s practically criminal. I’m not really into “hair band dudes” or men that whirl around covered in oil with one quarter of a t-shirt on, but Kip Winger’s face is so deviously feline, and God knows I love men that look like miscreants. 

And how.

Sterner Review Time: Lie to Me (Seasons 1-2 on Netflix)

Hi, guys.

After watching every single available episode of Damages on Netflix Instadoodle, I was in need of another show to fill up my background noise and before bed viewing requirements. Damages made me cry tears of happiness, so I knew it would be hard to follow up with something sub-par. I went the “Netflix Suggests” route, which was fucking HORRIBLE, and started fucking around looking for another TV show with more than 1 available season and liked the cover of Lie to Me, so I checked it out.

BAM, motherfucker! That shit is AWESOME! I went from hating Tim Roth’s face to thinking he’s an acting GENIUS because his facial expressions, body movements and general characterization of “deception expert” Cal Lightman are HILARIOUS. While the show’s consistency ranges from “pretty good” to “are you serious?”, Tim Roth’s acting remains amazing, and it doesn’t hurt the rest of the cast are all excellent actors and ain’t too shabby on the eyes.

If you haven’t seen this shit, it’s a show revolving around Dr. Cal Lightman, a saucy British import who runs his own “lie detection” agency. The character was based off of a real doctor, who I looked up but am now too lazy to re-Google. Anyfoo, the first episode was quite entertaining and I enjoyed the concept of Lightman’s firm being able to work on a different “case” every episode. This lends to quite the array of possibilities for a show; one minute these fucks are vetting congressmen, the next they’re protecting Korean attaches from assassination! Yes! Action packed! Is it realistic? Kinda. The plotlines begin realistically enough and then, of course, end up being filled with AHA!s and YOU’RE LYING! TAKE HIM AWAY!s. Someone’s always getting into trouble and someone is always getting someone out of trouble. It’s very standard TV drama, but the redeeming factors are the inter-character interactions and casting.

Lightman is backed up by his BFF (and business partner) Foster (played by Kelli Williams) who does a great job playing a mothering, “always looking out for your best interests” psych doctor. Kelli’s face gets on my nerves, and the writers really fuck her sometimes with cheesy lines, but the bitch can roll. One complaint is her quirkiness was really toned down after the pilot especially, and then completely eradicated in season two. She starts off as kind of a candy/puddin’ cup loving sprite to Lightman’s cranky Brit and then, shortly thereafter, the roles are reversed and now Lightman’s the free spirit and poor Foster (Kelli) is the serious one. EABOD, writers!

The other two “main” characters are Torres and Loker-a sassy, Latina “natural” (someone who can detect lies without real training) and a gawky white boy lab assistant. Torres is played by Monica Raymund, who is fine as a MOFO although her teeth are…weird. Loker is played by Brendan Hines, who I frequently fantasize about walking on beaches with. Both of these characters add ACTUAL depth with their roles, which is often rare in TV dramas.

But the real kicker, and the true reason I believe this show made it to 3 seasons, is the relationship between Lightman, his ex-wife (played by Jennifer Beals, who looks AMAZING!) and their daughter, Emily. Jenny’s great to see because her character is sassy and she and Lightman still bone and argue a lot (something I identify with), but it’s really the Emily character who hammers shit home. Emily is played by Hayley McFarland, and GD IS THIS GIRL TALENTED! I don’t even want to see her in another role because if I do, and she sucks, it’ll make me cry. She’s SO GOOD in this show. Plus, I love it when casting directors actually cast kids that LOOK like their fake parents: Hayley LOOKS like she’s Tim Roth and Jenny Beal’s kid. Like, exactly. Spot on, casting directors. Thank you.

Lightman’s character progresses throughout the seasons and gets more and more comical. At the end of season 2, he’s a complete megalomaniac which is fucking AWESOME and very endearing. Tim Roth is a tinnnny little British man, and watching him play an arrogant, dancing on his tiptoes making faces at people rich doctor who BUSTS CRIMEZ WITH HIS FACIAL SKILLZ is amazing. Really, Tim Roth’s acting in this show is hilarious. I’m chuckling just thinking about it.

All in all, it’s not the BEST show I’ve ever seen, but not everything produced can be Arrested Development. Despite it’s occasional inconsistency, Lie to Me is STERNER APPROVED.