I like to think of myself as an intelligent person. Sure, it takes me 5 full seconds to add simple single digit numbers in my head, and sure, I still have very foggy ideas about what the Federal Reserve and electoral college are, but I’ve still always thought of myself as above average in terms of intelligence. And really, that’s not saying much. 

The thing is, I get easily confused. REALLY easily confused. I hardly ever leave my house without having to go back inside at least once for something I’ve forgotten. When confronted with even the simplest of mathematical equations, my mind goes terrifyingly blank. I forget almost everything even remotely interesting or important instantly, while I can still remember humiliating but unimportant moments from a decade ago with crystal clarity. I can read, remember, and assimilate important and lengthy works of literature but I still don’t understand how 90% of the functions on this Mac work. I’m an idiot, really. I still can’t parallel park.

Since I graduated college a whopping month (2 months?) ago, I assumed I would have a lot more time for actual, independent learning. This is only slightly true as I’ve found myself mostly doing one of two things more: working (good) and fucking around (only sometimes good). My fucking around time in my fantasies is always book-in-hand, while the reality is I hardly ever read anymore. Novels, I should say. I hardly ever read novels. The last piece of literature I read was Albert Camus’ The Fall, which while enjoyable would hardly be called difficult to read and understand. I read The Fall well over a month ago. Most of the reading I do is on the Internet. Sometimes I wonder if the Internet is partially to blame for my stupidity. Perhaps my mind can only process so much information in a day and all I do is fill it up with clothes, looking up stupid shit on Wikipedia, and watching documentaries I’ll rave about for a week and then forget all about.

I’m going to set aside an hour of time each day for two activities: meditation and brain games. I have a feeling if I can tune in and then turn off the chatterbox in my head the patterns of my mind can change-allowing me to rebuild my capability for memory, time management, and inner organization. 

And hopefully it will allow me to harness the power of my inner self so I can make more money to buy more clothes.