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NIKI STERNER: LOS ANGELES DENIZEN, FIVE NINE AND FINE, GENERAL ASSHOLE, YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND.

"I am going to come and burn the house down...but you will blow me first." -Mel Gibson

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vicemag: Girl News: Girls & Exes Ex-boyfriends are the most powerful mutants because they know what your skin tastes like and how it feels when you hate them. Plus, they are just boys. Provided they aren’t officially terrible, the historical romance of an ex, especially if there is just one The Ex, remains perennially liminal, shifting in his (or her, but we are speaking primarily about ex-boyfriends because that is my area of expertise) position only according to your own emo-machinations and subsequent, better secret-agent-lover-men. Still, my dumb formulation for love is that once you’ve been in it with someone, they will live in miniature in a small corner of your heart forever and ever. Also, TIP: Next time you are breaking up with a dude and want to keep your cool, say “I’m not crying, I’m allergic to jerks!” Right? I got that from TV. DEFINITION First, OK. What do we consider exes? How come some girls say “this guy I dated” or “my ex” in reference to some rando with whom they spent more than a minute, or possibly kissed? I object! It offers up way too much of that good power stuff for a girl to call a guy she went out on less than, say, ten dates with a “boyfriend.” No, wait. It has to be someone with whom you were in an explicit relationship, with specific expectations and rituals and limits. That’s an ex. Not someone who bought you an ice cream and you saved some of the minty kind to blow him with. Continue

vicemag:

Girl News: Girls & Exes

Ex-boyfriends are the most powerful mutants because they know what your skin tastes like and how it feels when you hate them. Plus, they are just boys. Provided they aren’t officially terrible, the historical romance of an ex, especially if there is just one The Ex, remains perennially liminal, shifting in his (or her, but we are speaking primarily about ex-boyfriends because that is my area of expertise) position only according to your own emo-machinations and subsequent, better secret-agent-lover-men. Still, my dumb formulation for love is that once you’ve been in it with someone, they will live in miniature in a small corner of your heart forever and ever.

Also, TIP: Next time you are breaking up with a dude and want to keep your cool, say “I’m not crying, I’m allergic to jerks!” Right? I got that from TV.

DEFINITION

First, OK. What do we consider exes? How come some girls say “this guy I dated” or “my ex” in reference to some rando with whom they spent more than a minute, or possibly kissed? I object! It offers up way too much of that good power stuff for a girl to call a guy she went out on less than, say, ten dates with a “boyfriend.” No, wait. It has to be someone with whom you were in an explicit relationship, with specific expectations and rituals and limits. That’s an ex. Not someone who bought you an ice cream and you saved some of the minty kind to blow him with.

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    HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
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    LOL: “OOPSIES Do y’all have an ex-boyfriend who you forget exists, or who you legitimately forget that you dated,...
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